Breaking down the Peanuts gang

I was watching “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” a couple of weeks ago with my grandma, and I was just laughing because in all honestly, the Peanuts characters are hilarious. It’s funny how these were made back in the 1960s, and yet these are CLASSICS with true meaning. Not a lot of cartoons have this, where they tell a story and you can get a meaning from it. Peanuts did that which in my eyes, it’s the greatest cartoon ever.

It got me thinking late last week when I was talking to sister Ree, and the homie Micah. What was the true meaning of Charlie Brown and these characters? What was Charles Schulz really thinking when he created these characters? Sure, Schulz had his own idea on these characters, but were these ideas true?

Let’s break down the main characters.

Charlie Brown:


Charlie Brown. Words can’t describe how maddening this dude was to me. Charlie let everyone walk over him, and let people dominate him because he was always “down” on life. I mean, look at the picture above. Does this look like a guy who’s happy all the time? This guy really had no reason to be sad. He had friends. Sure. This whole thing of being a “lovable loser” is all dope and funny at times, but it’s so sad to see this guy not get any poon  because he was too afraid to talk to a girl. Charlie was a smart man, a man who knew his way with people, but when it mattered most, Charlie choked under pressure and just said “good grief.” Like nigga, the hell you saying good grief for? You LET these dudes dominate your ass all the time.

The most frustrating thing about Charlie Brown was how he ALWAYS let Lucy dominate him. Perfect example?

Charlie KNEW she was gonna pull it away, but yet he believed that she’d let him kick the football. This here alone is why Charlie was too frustrating for Shaun Howard. Was Charlie a good man? Sure he was. I’m not gonna deny this aspect of his life. I mean, they even had a TV movie called “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.” But in this good man, you gotta get angry, and finally win. Charlie never won because he was so insecure about himself. If Pigpen had a girl, why couldn’t you have a woman in your life, Charlie? I’m over here baffled right now about Charlie Brown and his love life.


Charlie had the little red headed girl in his grasp. He did. I mean look at that picture. Charlie was 10 seconds away from laying the wood down like President Obama did with Michelle on Election Night, but what did he do? He left her hanging. Charlie knew what he wanted in his life, but he failed to execute the gameplan because simply, he was scared. See, my theory with Charlie Brown is that he was afraid to be happy. He was so used to be dominated by females his whole life  that if he had another girl in his life, he’d let her walk over him and then he’d be miserable. So much struggle, Charlie.

Was Charlie Brown a significant character though? Yes, yes he was. Charlie taught me a lesson: never let people take advantage of you. See this? Even though he was a loser, I learned something from that nigga. Props to you, Charlie.

Linus Van Pelt:


Linus Van Pelt was Charlie’s best friend, and most importantly, the smartest man on Peanuts. Sure, Linus was younger than Charlie, but in my eyes it’s no doubt that they were best friends. Now, wait. You’re wonder how a kid who sucked his thumb and carried a blue blanket around was a genius. But don’t let this fool you. The smartest man on the show was also a ladies’ man. Linus had Charlie’s sister hanging over him for DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSS, and he said “nah, lady, we ain’t doing nothing, get out of my face.”


But when the girl who had cancer was gone, my nigga was all worried and bringing presents to her house. When she came back, ol dude was like “Yay, I’m gonna give you a good ride because it’s spring time!” LKJSDL:DJFLJKFJEKD:L LINUS!!! was my first reaction.


Not because he was trying to push her in the back on the swing, but the way he said it. Linus was a slick man who was smart,  brass, sort but deep down, he was a player with the ladies. Unlike Charlie Brown, Linus understood how to hold down a lady or several ladies. We call this, winning. The only downfall with my man Linus being a player was that he kissed Peppermint Patty and she fell in love with him in an episode. That’s not a winning combination, bro.

Linus, being the middle sibling probably hated Lucy, and why should he love her? Linus being the true philosopher that he was had better things to do, like read the Bible. Or reading modern books. Or explaining what Christmas was all about to these fools, especially to his boy Charlie.

See that? Linus literally told Charlie what it was, and just walked away after. No fanfare. No extra attention. Just straight to the point. In reality, Linus was ahead of his time. If you read a set of Linus’ quotes, you’d be amazed at what you see. Quite frankly, we NEED a Linus Van Pelt in America. We honestly do.

Linus started the I’m sleep movement. He’s a great man in my eyes and he should be more of a national hero more than Charlie Brown. Why? Because Linus was a winner. America loves winners. Linus Van Pelt right now is my hero because of this quote:

I love mankind, it’s people I can’t stand.

That right there alone makes Linus one of the greatest cartoon character alive.

Lucy Van Pelt:


First and foremost, I have to be honest. Lucy Van Pelt  had early heaux qualities. Yes, Lucy was a heaux. I’m just saying, she had early signs that Kendrick Lamar would have a song about her on section.80. Yes, I said this. Now was Lucy a good person? EHHHHH, I guess you can say so. I mean put it like this, when she wasn’t bothering the  homie Schroeder, being a terrible older sister to Linus, and taking the ball while Charlie was gonna kick it, Lucy was a typical little girl who wanted all the attention. Shoot, during the Halloween party, they even told Lucy that she could bob for apples because “her mouth was big enough.” WHAT DOES THIS IMPLY?!?!?!?!

Look at this for a prime example of Lucy getting attention:

That’s where you get my example. Lucy wanted Schroeder so bad, but when he wasn’t really feeling it. In the video above, she says she’s gonna “marry” him. She knew he wasn’t feeling him at all, but she was still bothering the dude. In all honestly, I think eventually Schroeder would give in to her because she would just bother him.


I have a theory on Lucy when it comes to Charlie Brown. I think Lucy loved him. The reason why she pulled the football away and made the dude look like an completely dumbass was because she loved him. I mean put it like this. Lucy got attention from Charlie Brown. No matter what Lucy did to him, he could always rely on her for something, and I bet Lucy loved this. She was making money off of Charlie, and hiding her crush on him at the same time.


Now now. Lucy was demanding, bossy, and flat out annoying, but mostly she got her way. See what I did there? Lucy was a dominating self-made girl who probably wanted two guys, but NONE of them really wanted her. So what did she do? She was a pest to BOTH of them. Lucy’s character was very important because her tendencies, Peanuts wouldn’t be what it was. So Lucy, I salute your heaux tendencies, but if you let Charlie kicked the ball, yall could have had something special.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie:


Now this is where it gets funny. Schulz was trying to fool all of us. When I was younger, I didn’t understand why Marcie called Peppermint Patty “sir.” Honestly, when I was younger I thought Peppermint Patty was a dude because of the whole sir reference but now I get it.

They were lowkey lovers. I mean think about it. Nobody was trying to really get at both of them. You can argue that they both had a crush on a guy (Marcie had one on Franklin? Patty had one on Charlie, I think), but to me, it was a cover up to hide something that we all know now.

Peppermint Patty was a dominant female who was won at everything. Seriously. When she would play baseball, she would flat out dominate by hitting home runs, and pitching shut outs. Clearly on that aspect, she was clearly the best athlete on Peanuts. (You know what they say about some girls who play baseball or softball.)  Look at what she was wearing and she was still ridiculous at baseball: a random green shirt. Blue shorts (probably nike), and some flip-flops. That alone signals something fishy.


Peppermint Patty reminds me of a cartoon version of Sheryl Swoopes. Swoopes was dominant at basketball in her prime, but we were unsure about personal life, and then when finally we figured it out, we were shocked, but we weren’t really shocked. That’s how I feel about her. As dominant and friendly of a person she was, what do we know about her? Well we know that she could never go anywhere without Marcie.

Marcie, to me was just a weird girl. The big glasses, the awkward comments, calling Patty sir all the time. Like what the hell? If you feel like you’re being dominated by Peppermint Patty like that, then it’s so obvious that you’re in love with your best friend. I’m pretty sure that Marcie was a lesbian, and that Patty was close to going down that route.  Does it change anything about these two? Not even. Peppermint Patty was out here shining and EVERYONE loved her. Marcie on the other hand, wasn’t so loved. She was just there as Peppermint Patty’s “best friend.”



The only black person on the show (unless you wanna count Snoopy) is the 2nd best character in this cartoon. Franklin came in during the whole Civil Rights movement, and he was quiet. But I’ll tell you this: Franklin came in and gave this cartoon style in only true nigga fashion.

So racist, but yet so funny. Franklin had these niggas doing the “crank dat” dance with the Diddy Dance all in one. You can’t tell me that Diddy watched this show and learned how to dance. Watch that video. Franklin is out here being a coon’s coon and it’s amazing. Franklin, to me was a smart guy who was just quiet, and why should he say something? To him, it was funny most likely. It’s not to say him and Charlie weren’t dope.




I bet you that Franklin got Charlie laced up once or twice. That’s how fly Franklin was.  (When I mean laced, I mean high as a kite. He was the only black guy on the show, and I mean, I know he had his connections.)

Sally Brown:

I see young Sally

Sally Brown may have been Charlie’s younger sister, but at the same time, it seemed like she was older than him at times. Sally was older, and honestly a bit wiser than Charlie. It’s not like Sally did anything significant… other than attempt to get with Linus. I mean, she was trying to be Linus’ boo.

Linus’ face says it all

I mean look at that picture. You know what I see? I see a girl who’s bugging too much. Put it like this. I said that Linus was a player. Linus played the hell outta Sally and she didn’t know how to accept it. Linus is out here buying gifts for the other females in his life and yet, she thinks he’s her “sweetest taboo.” Sally really couldn’t get it in anymore with Linus. I mean, once was enough right? You know why Linus left you Sally?


That’s UNREAL. Over the Great Pumpkin too. Linus was FED UP, Sally. You blew it. Game over. Go have fun with pigpen or something. I don’t even know. Was Sally important though? I mean, other than her obsession with Linus, I guess she was. She always seemed to put down her own brother over his own stupidity. That takes skill, honestly. I mean, I didn’t really care about Sally when I was younger. I thought she was annoying, and flat out a person who had to be control all the time. Now, when I look at it. Sally just wouldn’t take no for an answer. No matter what she was doing, she couldn’t take no, and it’s probably why Charlie Brown was such a pussy.



Schroeder the piano gawd. I’ve never seen an 8 year old boy play these little Beethoven songs, have girls all over him, and just turn it down to play a piano and learn all of the Beethoven songs. Other than Linus, I think Charlie Brown went to him, and I can assume all three of them were best friends. Schroeder wasn’t the best of athletes, but it didn’t matter.

One of the girls who was in love with him was Lucy.

no chill at all

He never liked her. I said above that even Lucy knew about this. But yet, it was funny how obsessed she was with him to the point where he told her to leave him alone if she didn’t like him. He’d be playing the piano, and out of nowhere Lucy would just show up just to lounge on his piano for really no reason at all. I feel like Lucy would try to push his buttons, but he just didn’t care. Except for the one time where Lucy washed his piano. Boy I tell you. Usually, he doesn’t get so upset, but she washed the piano of a legend in the making.

Schroeder was a child prodigy before child prodigies were around and just like Linus, he was ahead of his time. He didn’t pay attention to the other stuff that was going on with Charlie Brown failing in life, unless Charlie lounged on his piano and told him what was going on in his life. Charlie Brown was a lucky man to have Linus and Schroeder as his best friends because Schroeder was the gawd of gawds.


take a shower nigga

I don’t really have much to say about PigPen other than without showering, he was pulling more girls than Charlie Brown. That alone tells you everything you need to know about Pigpen. PigPen was practically a white trash dude who happened and was out here spreading out the love with the ladies. If I were Charlie Brown, I’d be SICK.


nigger dog

Last, but not least, Charlie’s dog, Snoopy. If I had to say one word about Snoopy, it’d be: Coon. Snoopy in my eyes was a coon dog. Snoopy was the first #ManDog, and his personality was incredible. I wish Snoopy could talk though. Imagine if he could. I bet he’d cuss out Charlie Brown one time. He’d admit how much he loved Lucy and he’d be probably be another philosopher like Linus. Don’t let this whole coon man dog thing fool you about Snoopy. Snoopy was a lot smarter than we should give him credit for.

I was watching an episode on Charlie Brown one day, and Snoopy was out here making food, serving drinks, and out here doing human things, as a dog. To me, Snoopy was more of a house servant who just happened to just follow Charlie home and then live with  him. Snoopy doesn’t sleep in his dog house. He sleeps on the roof. Believes he’s in World War II, has an alter ego called “Joe Cool” and his best friend is a yellow bird called Woodstock.

Look at that coon. He’s the original man dog. He was out here tryna get girls because he knew Charlie Brown couldn’t lay down the pipe, so he went to school with him and tried to spit game. Went to class, and then put a paw print on the board because he didn’t know the answer. Who cares that he got kicked out of class? The fact of the matter is, Snoopy was a G.


Snoopy would mess with Lucy, and part of me thinks it’s about how she used to mess with Charlie, he would just kiss her. I do think that Snoopy liked Lucy, but then again, Snoopy almost got married to some random girl dog who left him for a golden retriever.

Sure, Snoopy might have been a man coon dog, but at the end of the day, Snoopy cared about his owner. Even though Charlie wasn’t the original owner of Snoopy, Snoopy had a bond with Charlie and his friends, and easily this dog, who has a small character, was easily one of the most important  characters in a cartoon strip. Besides, when you think of Peanuts, and outside of Charlie Brown, who do you think of? Snoopy.

Peanuts was one of the most influential cartoons of all-time, and the amazing part is that these characters were ahead of their time. Charles Schultz did wonders creating a cartoon that will live forever. No matter what generation you live in, you’ll always know who the Peanuts gang is.


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