Notre Dame my nigga, I hate it had to be you

Nah. Nah. Nah.

Now this happened last week. Others talked about it. I still can’t believe it.

Notre Dame, why are you doing this to yourself?

Now, as a young USC fan (Been a fan since I was 10 years old), I can tell you right now that USC has dominated this rivalry. I mean dominated. Even when we lost in 2010, ND fans were shocked they came out to LA and won. I mean, let’s think about this. In USC’s glory days (2003-2008), there was one legit game (2005, the 2nd best game I’ve seen in my life). I thought after this game, well… maybe the rivalry is back.

Good job, good effort

But after a USC rout in 2006, and routs in 2007/08, I shrugged it off. There was a time period where Notre Dame didn’t score a touchdown against USC. In fact, it happened in between 2 years (07-08). Every time I saw ND on the schedule, I knew we win. Even in 2009, I’d knew we win. So did Notre Dame fans.  The real question was, how much are we gonna win by? Which is really really funny. (I almost forgot Notre Dame came out to USC and won in 2010. Nobody talked about it. Not a single soul spoke to me about it. Maybe because I didn’t care because Mitch Mustain started the game, maybe it was because the rivalry really doesn’t matter anymore.)

lol Brian Kelly

Now Notre Dame fans, don’t get mad at me for what I’m about to say. In fact, what I’m about to say has already been said by millions of people. I’ll just say it in a different tone, but in the same type of way.

Notre Dame, nobody gives a fuck about you anymore. Which is sad as hell. I know. You think the media cares about you still (ESPN actually sent me a text message about who will start Notre Dame’s opener, so cool). But let’s face it. They care about you only to make fun of you at the end of the season. I’ll sum up Notre Dame’s season like this:

Preseason top 25, high expectations. Kirk Herbstreit confusing me with questions like ” Do you think this is the year Notre Dame cracks the BCS? Is Brian Kelly going to lead Notre Dame back into the national prominence?”

Middle of the season it’s like, “What’s wrong with Notre Dame? Why are they terrible in the red zone? Is (insert quarterback) actually better than (insert backup)?

Then, at the end of the season, the questions are like, “Why did the Irish underachieve? Will they win a bowl game? Is Brian Kelly on the hot seat?”

It’s like this EVERY season.

Now, it’s getting comical.

GOLIC EVEN KNOWS MAN!

Ever since almost beating USC in 2005, giving Charlie Weis a HUGE contract extension for almost beating the 7th best team of all-time (Best team not to win a title ever. Blame ESPN though. They proclaimed us champs before we took the field in the 2006 Rose Bowl. Even though we were up 12, with 6 minutes left… let me stop before I start crying), and then the 2006 booty (heh, John David cooked against ND, how does that happen) kicking in the Coli, I’ve been quietly laughing.

Notre Dame’s spiral from grace is sad, though. Notre Dame hasn’t won a national title since 1988. 1988. The last time Notre Dame was ranked #1 in the country was in 1993. I was sitting here crying about the last time USC being ranked #1 in anything was 2008, but got damn Notre Dame. 1993. Notre Dame plays all their games on NBC. On a National audience every week. It’s dope. But, when you aren’t winning, nobody gives a shit.

Do you really think that teams get scared about facing Notre Dame now? Do you think teams get nervous going into Notre Dame Stadium and seeing touchdown Jesus?

Tulsa wasn’t.

I mean, this isn’t slander. I’m not even trolling. I’m asking a question.

Notre Dame is playing a game in Ireland this season. In fact, it’s in 2 weekends. 6 am in the morning on CBS against Navy, I believe. Now, why are they doing this? Something about trying to “recruit” or working on their “international” brand.

I mean, it’s cool and all, but why does Notre Dame think they are better than everyone else?

The golden helmets are dope. The tradition is awesome. But face the facts Notre Dame fans. Attempting to stay relevant for the sake of recruits is ridiculous. Notre Dame can recruit its self. Or at least, I thought so.

Here’s something I thought was hilarious about Notre Dame:

Last year, ND is playing USC. About 75 recruits (I think, I don’t know the exact numbers because I don’t care enough) are there. ND is playing music on 3rd downs, the crowd is alive, it’s a competitive game, and Notre Dame brings out these golden helmets that are actually the color of the Golden Dome. It was dope to watch. Then, well.

And then.

Then, basically, the game was over. USC wins 31-17. ND throws a party for the recruits, we crash it, and it boosts our confidence going into this season. (Thanks, Notre Dame!) Rumor has it, the nigga Lane Kiffin walks by the recruits, doesn’t say a word to them, and just smiles as he’s walking back to the locker room.

LANE KIFFIN PLAYBOY

After the game, the 2012 Heisman winner, Marc Tyler, and Chris Galippo make a comment about Notre Dame. Comments that has been true for years, and now finally, the big brother in the rivalry finally said it.

Chris Galippo:

At the end there, when they didn’t call those timeouts, they just quit. And that’s what Notre Dame football’s about. They’re not anything like USC. We’re coming halfway across the country to play these guys. hey hyped it up. This was their Super Bowl. They had 26 or 27 official visits this weekend.

Marc Tyler:

That’s what happens when you beat them down. We wore them out. They didn’t want to play no more. We out-physicaled them and beat them down.

Then, the heisman winner says this on the radio:

I was shocked that they didn’t use the (fourth-quarter) timeouts because we got on the field with … about seven minutes left, and I thought they were planning on stopping us and saving their timeouts for the end when they had the ball. It seemed from our sideline and our perspective that they did give up. It seemed uncharacteristic of Notre Dame. I wouldn’t have wanted to have been on that sideline.

So basically, when three players on the opposing team says that you quit on a team, and basically that your program is all hype, but no show, it’s probably that.

Wanna know how you can be relevant again Notre Dame? Join the Big East. Join the Big 12. Join the ACC. You know. A conference. Enough of this independent bullshit. I know, I know. The television contract you have with NBC won’t be renewed if you did this, plus you don’t want to share revenue with other schools. But when have you made big time BCS bucks? 2006? I mean, at this state of college football, you can’t be an independent to win.

It also helps if you keep a coach longer than 4 years to build a program. I know, I know. Lou Holtz came in and brought glory to the football team in the 80s. But last I checked, this isn’t the 80s and early 90s Notre Dame fans. Lou Holtz is on ESPN picking you to win every week, and you replace coaches like rappers replace hoes. It’s astonishing and quite funny. Yes, I know. The expectations for Notre Dame Football are high. But, in order to have success, you can’t replace coaches because they don’t win.

I wish I was making this up

Wanna know what Notre Dame is good at? Honestly. Notre Dame plays on National TV,  and they help Heisman candidates. Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, Toby Garhart, Andrew Luck, Denard Robinson, and many more. I mean this year, Notre Dame will help out Landry Jones, Denard, and the 2012 Heisman winner campaign alone. It’s a blessing that you play on National TV every Saturday. Heisman campaigns are helped out.

Lane and Matthew know

Everyone has caught up to you, if not already surpassed you. If anything, Notre Dame isn’t even a top tier team in College Football. It might not even be 2nd tier. Which is sad.  I want Notre Dame to be good again. I want Notre Dame to be relevant, so when we play them in November in even years, and October in odd years, it’s a good rivalry again. I don’t want you to beat us in a fluke season. I want you to beat us, and to have your fanbase mean it.

It’s embarrassing how disappointing Notre Dame’s fall from grace is. As a rival of yours, I’m embarrassed that we beat you guys for 8 straight seasons. That’s not a rivalry, that’s assault with a deadly weapon.   Hopefully, Brian Kelly can figure it out because if not, we’ll see another coach in 2 years trying to create some magic.

So Notre Dame fan, I’m not here to make fun of you (Okay, maybe I am, but all in good fun), but I’m here to simply tell you that your program doesn’t mean shit to anyone anymore. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal. Hopefully this year, the rivalry takes new heights, and you don’t quit in the 4th quarter.  Trust me, I want you to be good.

– Shaun

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