First and foremost, I’d pipe Vanessa Bryant. In fact, I’d pipe a lot, and maybe leave it in one time just to see what could happen to my fame.
But, since I don’t have what she wants, she wouldn’t let me.
Vanessa Bryant, you just need to shut that shit up dog, otherwise known as #STSUD. (Shoutout to the homie, Kevin aka @klew24 aka fake James Harden for coming up with this on twitter).
What does Vanessa want from a NBA Player?
I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can’t win championships. If you’re sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year.
Wait a damn minute Vanessa.
Is this why you were gonna file for divorce from Bean? I mean, if that’s the case, it makes sense. You were gonna go sleep with Russell Westbrook, or Kevin Durant since Bron/Wade/Bosh are taken? Damnit, Vanessa.
My dude Micah (@thatdudemicah) and I had this discussion when she filed for divorce. I remember him saying something about if Kobe was cheating this whole time, “why did you stick around?” And it hits me now, Vanessa stuck with Kobe over that whole rape case shit.
Vanessa stuck with Bean through not making the playoffs in 2005, the first round exits in 2006/07, and then since Bean adds two more titles in his collection, she got a little too big headed and didn’t care when he was stroking his penis in other heauxs around the country.
But since the Lakers have gone through a “dryspell” of winning titles, Vanessa was #FEDUP with Kobe getting up to “grandpa” age in basketball years, and other teams becoming better in the league (Hello, Miami, Oklahoma City), you wanted to leave the dude because he couldn’t get a title.
The irony of this quote from Vanessa is hilarious to me. She just happens to make this quote after the Lakers acquired Dwight (Or as I call him #TheWhite) Howard in a 4 team deal last week. So now, you know that ol Bean could possibly make a couple of more runs at a title before he leaves the game? Is that why you didn’t care that Kobe was sleeping with that Aussie Swimmer? My god, you can’t fool me Vanessa.
So you gonna let Kobe move back in with you in the mansions? (Why did Kobe buy three mansions? Better yet, why did Kobe marry a Mexican without a prenup? Is he that stupid?) Are you gonna not care that Kobe will most likely cheat? Or will you actually divorce Kobe when the Lakers lose in the Western Conference Finals?
These are just questions, Vanessa.
Answer when you’re ready.