Why we all (myself included) need to calm down about Dwight Howard.

So Wack

If you don’t know, or you don’t care about the NBA (I know, it’s easy to not give a fuck about it), Dwight Howard or as French Montana called him on “Stay Schemin” #TheWhite Howard is a Los Angeles Laker. By becoming a Laker, Dwight follows the footsteps of the great Laker centers (Mikan, Wilt, Kareem, Shaq) and now, he has to deliver on a NBA Title. You know how we all got Lebron James for the longest time because of his failures to win a ring? Well, that torch or burden has been passed to #TheWhite.

When news of this trade happened, I myself didn’t really give a shit. I was more happy the Lakers kept Pau Gasol than getting Dwight Howard.

But really, I still don’t give a fuck about this trade.

Yeah, I am a Laker fan, but at the same time, Dwight Howard has been a bitch all off-season. Actually, check that. He’s been doing this shit since last season, and then it got progressively worse. Dude didn’t play hard on defense in Orlando, cried about how he wanted to leave so bad, then opted into his contract, delaying his free agency for next season because he couldn’t make up his mind.

Can’t make up your mind yet?

While I was watching this press conference on Friday afternoon, I kept thinking to myself, “Gotdamn, this dude is really an idiot.” And then I realized, that he still doesn’t know what the hell he wants. Yeah, sure. Dwight is good with the media. He knows how to attempt to make people laugh (His Kobe impersonation was actually funny, I laughed when I saw that), but he’s so corny. Dwight will say the right things right now because he knows he’s lucky that he’s going to suit up with Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash, and Pau Gasol. But at the same time, it’s sometimes good to shut the hell up.

I mean now, it’s funny to me because Dwight keeps saying “I love being a laker, Los Angeles is a great place for me,” but he just wants to play out his last year of the contract, and then become a free agent. Well, since the Lakers have his bird rights next summer, meaning he can get the most money from them…… he’ll be a Laker for awhile. If he doesn’t know this, well guess what Dwight?! I just informed you. You’ll be a laker for awhile, bruh. Los Angeles loves you anyway, so you say.

Here’s how I can tell Dwight Howard is a corny ass person:

It’s been great. I started off walking around Beverly Hills and every day I had this one lady who would always come and say, ‘Come to the Lakers! Come to the Lakers!’ If she’s watching, I’m here.

That story its self makes me want to laugh at his face. Nigga, you didn’t even want to be in LA first. All this talk about “Brooklyn” “I want to be a net,” “Trade me to Brooklyn or I won’t play this season,” shit was all a facade and you gotta stop making up stories to the Los Angeles media.

Dwight Howard landing in Los Angeles takes away the attention from Matt Barkley and Lane Kiffin, which, I guess is a good thing. Plus, when he actually lands on the court (He had back surgery in April, and he still can’t run…. like what the hell?), he’ll protect the middle seeing how the Lakers have Steve Nash, an offensive whiz, but a mediocre defender, and an older two guard by the name of Kobe Bean. Nobody is questioning his on the court display. The dude is a force, when he wants to be one. Best “center” (I put that in quotes because Andrew Bynum and Dwight Howard are the only type of traditional centers in the NBA now… well at least in my eyes.) in the league, and the best big guy defender in the league.

I get that.

But, the main point of this blog is that we all need to relax about Dwight Howard going to the Lakers.

YES IM TALKING TO YOU

Listen other Laker fans. I get it. You’re excited. We haven’t been in this situation since 2010 (LOL) where we can contend for a title. You expect greatness, and you should. You’re a fan of them when they win, and right now, the Lakers haven’t gotten out the 2nd round in two years (So much struggle, it’s actually funny). So, I get that you’re excited.

Dwight Howard is a damn good piece in the middle. I mean, he’s excellent. Does this put the Lakers over the hump in the Western Conference?

Have yall forgotten about them?

See Laker fans. Oklahoma City isn’t just going to die and roll over because we have Dwight Howard. In fact, seeing how all OKC does is shoot jumpers, this trade does little to nothing affecting them. Kevin Durant is the 2nd best player on god’s green earth. Russell Westbrook is a top 5 point guard. James Harden will be an all-star this season. Serge Ibaka is a good defender. If anything, this does nothing for them. They have size now with Thabeet coming off the bench.

Then, Laker fans, how can you forget about the best player on the planet?

KANG JAMES

If you forgot, it’s the Summer of Lebron James.

(I know the Heat are in the Eastern Conference, but most Laker fans love bringing them up for discussion. It’s funny to me. Vice Versa also.)

Plus, the Heat got a little better. Sure, the Lakers are strong at point guard and center. The areas where Miami is weak at. But, they have the best player in the game at the 3. Dwyane Wade and Bean cancel each other out as with Bosh and Pau. Plus, adding Ray Allen off the bench makes Miami the title favorite.

Don’t get your panties bunched in a wad Laker fans. I didn’t say we couldn’t win. We can. But you must respect the two teams who went to the finals last year.

Now to the other side of this:

Laker Haters, please relax for a second.

Now, when I saw this whole trade shit, I went to ESPN, and linked it to Facebook. The hate was so real from some folks. One person that I’m good friends with said that he was going to “root for OKC harder than before” because of this trade. But here’s my question: Are you mad that the Lakers improved, or are you mad that the Lakers traded for a guy that a team didn’t want anymore? It’s not like the Lakers said, “Here Orlando, you get nothing but a draft pick from us, and we’ll send Andrew Bynum to Philly because we just don’t give a fuck about you.” Orlando made the deal. If anything, be mad at them.

Then, I saw this as I was scrolling down Facebook, I saw this status that made me want to throw the fuck up for awhile.

Wait, what?

Okay, timeout. Let me break down this intelligent status without being a fanboy (That’s actually easy. If you talk to me in person, no stanning, all truth).

“Now that Kobe has someone” is funny. Bean has had Shaq, and Pau Gasol to win those titles with him. That’s strike one buddy (Imagine if I kept this dude’s name on the status, this would have been epic as fuck). Sure, the Lakers haven’t gotten out the 2nd round, like I said before, but it’s not like they were supposed to win last year.

Anyway, “I don’t wanna hear anyone giving the heat shit for teaming up” is hilarious to me. Nobody cares about the Miami Heat teaming up. Same way nobody cared about Boston doing it. Same way about how nobody cared how Pau Gasol was given to LA for a pack of cigarettes and whiskey. Teams in the 1980s always had 2-3 stars on a team. This is nothing new. Stop with it, b.

“The entire league dose it.”  Lol. Yes, I just typed Lol. Dose. Like medicine “dose?” Or……. what?

#Heat2013 is funny to me. You post a status about Kobe Bryant, and then put in hashtag (We aren’t on twitter, but it’s okay, I guess) heat 2013. Does the Los Angeles Lakers affect the Miami Heat? I didn’t realize that the Heat and Lakers were in the same conference. (This is like SEC fans who love to bring up USC because they have nothing better to do.) Yes, I  know I addressed the Heat above because Laker fans are being outrageous stupid talking about how they are going to win it all. I mean, sure, I guess Heat fans feel offended that the team out west, and in a different conference is taking away attention.

But…………. most “Heat” fans were Cleveland fans anyway (I didn’t say all, I said most. Like most Laker fans weren’t Laker fans until 2000 because LA loves a winner. Look at USC for example. USC wasn’t an ounce of shit, and then in 2003, they became fans. Funny how that happens.)

Then, my favorite.

I was going through my girls Tumblr because I have nothing better to do, and some random idiot said this:

“Laker fans need to worry about Minnesota. Rubio/Love/Roy are gonna be tough to beat.”

Nigger. Listen.

You don’t know shit about basketball. Stop with it. Brandon Roy has no knees left. Rubio is recovering from an ACL injury. Kevin Love is the dopest white black player ever, but they aren’t checking this Laker team. Not yet at least. In a couple of years…? Yes, of course. It’s Rubio’s league if he wants it.

But Minnesota? Can’t say San Antonio? Oklahoma City? The other team in LA? But Minnesota?

Coach K is soooo not happy with that statement b

I’m not here screaming how people hate my team. Do you think I care?

That face can tell you my reaction. I don’t care, and I didn’t write that part to bitch about it. But reality is, no matter what the Lakers do, the expectations are hilarious. Folks gonna hate the Lakers and give them unrealistic expectations, and folks are gonna love the Lakers and give them unrealistic expectations.

It’s the world we live in.

ESPN, the worldwide leader in Trolling has got to calm down about this.

I understand it’s been a slow sports summer. I understand you’re sad that Tim Tebow is a punt protector and doesn’t have a shot to challenge Mark Sanchez. I know Jeremy Lin left New York and went to Houston, which made you sad, I get it. But Dwight Howard coming to the Lakers doesn’t mean a Miami/LA NBA finals would happen. I know the media wants a Lebron/Kobe final. I get it. That was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO 2009, bro. Bron didn’t get there. Who gives a fuck now? I sure as hell don’t. Now people are gonna say, “you’re scared of Lebron, and you’re scared of the heat.” But, it’s not even that. Listen idiots, Kobe Bryant is a grandpa playing basketball.

Uncle Drew wants to give Grandpa Kobe the fade, b

In 2009, when Kobe was entering the end of his prime, and while Bron was entering his, that was the dream final matchup. But now, in 2012-13? Nobody tryna check that shit except for you, ESPN (and maybe David Stern). I mean, I thought this years finals matchup was the dream matchup that we all wanted. Bron vs KD. Not Bron vs Kobe.

Laker/Kobe fans don’t want to admit it because they still think Kobe Bryant is the best player on this earth, but he’s not. He’s not even the 2nd best player. No shade to Kobe, I love the dude because he’s awesome and it’s remarkable to see a grandpa (in NBA years) do what he does year in and year out, but at the same time…….. that finals matchup would be terrible. Not saying the Lakers don’t have a chance (I think they would lose in 6, honestly, but it’d be close) but this isn’t a dream matchup anymore.

I was listening to a NBA analyst (I wanna say Steve Smith) and he was talking about how “The Lakers and their fans don’t accept 2nd place,” and I laughed at that. Really, NO TEAM or THEIR FANBASE should accept finishing in 2nd place. But as a laker fan, and going through the last two years, getting to the Western Conference Finals would make my season. Now you ask me why? Easy, we haven’t been there since 2010. Getting swept by the eventual champ in 2011 wasn’t really humbling (It was actually funny because I knew LA wouldn’t three-peat) and I knew we’d lose to OKC this year. But really, let’s lower the expectations.

And of course, I have to calm down about Dwight Howard.

I don’t like the guy that much (If you read the stuff above, you’d know this). I used to, but this whole little saga turned me the fuck off about him and his fuckass personality. But, I know a good team when I see one, and right now, the Lakers are really really good on paper. But good teams aren’t won on paper. If that was the case, Miami would have two rings right now and we’d be speaking about how Lebron James is not only great, he’s black Jesus. Teams have to get chemistry on the floor, and in the locker room with each other. If #TheWhite isn’t going to be on the floor to begin the season, don’t expect the Lakers to win it all. That being said, I know my limitations as a fan, and knowing this, I’ll keep my mouth shut about the Lakers.

So, Yes.

Everyone. Calm down about Dwight Howard.

Sure, he makes the Los Angeles Lakers a much better team, but at the same time, cool down with the shit. It’s August. He still doesn’t know what he wants to do.

Championships aren’t won on paper (ESPN and Laker fans) and nobody has forgotten about the Miami Heat or other teams in the league (Laker haters).

-Shaun

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2 thoughts on “Why we all (myself included) need to calm down about Dwight Howard.

  1. Pingback: Why are we doing this, Lakers? | Swerve.

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